Look, I’ve done some questionable things in my time—but today I managed to level up my dumbassery in spectacular fashion.
I’m kneeling in the kitchen, doing the typical put-away-the-groceries shuffle, organizing things in the fridge while trying not to knock over the milk or lose Tetris with the milk containers.
My fiance told me she was opening the freezer door. Don’t stand up.”
“Okay,” I say—like a responsible, mostly functioning adult.
And then my son comes running into the kitchen at full speed. So, what do I do? Naturally, I forget every word just said to me and launch myself straight up, right into the open freezer door.
I hit that freezer door hard. sounds of glass shattering everywhere, and for a split second it sounded like someone took a sledgehammer to a chandelier. The inside shelve part of the freezer door gave way, if it was solid it would have been so much worse. We were concerned I shattered my glasses. Got lucky I didnt.
Turns out, I earned myself a goose egg on my head the size of a golf ball, but at least it swelled outward instead of caving in. (Minor victories, right?) We patched me up at home—because, let’s be real, medical bills are ridiculous these days—and now I get a fun reminder bump on my head every time I sit down.
Happened about four hours ago. I still have a headache, but hey—at least I’m not writing this from the ER.
That’s my nerd rant for today. Moral of the story: listen when someone says “heads up,” and maybe invest in a softer fridge.